Vibe Rider, Headgear, Wrenchware, And Many More! - Gear Box

April Fools! Wish We Were Fooling...

Put It On Vibrate
Once you lure that lovely lady from the park bench to your pillion, seal the deal with a surreptitious buzz in the britches courtesy of Vibe-Rider, the world's first (and hopefully only) sex toy meant to be hidden inside a motorcycle seat. Consisting of a small electronic stimulator connected to a control box, the Vibe-Rider operates in unison with the engine-the more you rev it, the harder it pulses.

Warning: Review your local perv laws before deploying without prior consent.
Bonus: Splice in a second unit up front and let your prostate replace your shift light.
Price: $129

Pet Power
Attention pet lovers: We know it tweaks your ticker to leave Mr. Snuggles behind whenever you ride. Those sad whimpers that start when you pull your helmet from the closet... not to mention those pesky animal-cruelty laws that keep you from locking him in the bathroom with the toilet lid up while you head to Sturgis for the week. Now, with a little help from the fine fabricators at Pet Gadgets, you can latch your canine or feline friend to the back of the Beemer and take him along on your next foray to Prudhoe Bay.

Warning: ASPCA approval pending.
Bonus: Wedge an underfed rottweiler into this sucker and say bye-bye to that inconvenient disc lock.
Price: $399

Stick It Up
Care to add weight to your motorcycle to make it look lighter? Of course you do. Use these carbon-fiber-patterned decals to instantly upgrade your bike's kickstand, oil filter, chain or any other low-tech metal or plastic component. Just peel and stick, then trim away the excess with a razor blade, and in minutes your 599 will look like it just rolled out of the HRC race shop.

Warning: Applying carbon-fiber decals to actual carbon-fiber parts may upset the molecular bonds of the base component, causing it to vaporize instantly.
Bonus: Works just as well on Honda Civics, kitchen appliances, small mammals and garden tools.
Price: $19.95

Head Down, Bottoms Up
Nothing says, "I'll be the guy puking in your tank bag an hour from now" quite like a piece of moto-shaped headgear made from food-grade plastic and capable of holding a six-pack's worth of your favorite malted-barley beverage, conveniently accessible via the tap on front.

Warning: This is not a DOT-approved crash helmet!
Bonus: Other shapes are available, including sports gear if you want to be the most obnoxious guy in the stadium or a wooden barrel perfect for that next family vacation to Pioneer Village.
Price: $29.95

Fork You!
Are you the sort of pathetic single gearhead who eats all his meals in the garage using the greasy end of a slotted screwdriver to spread ketchup on your bologna-and-Wonder-Bread sandwiches? For the sake of sanitation, treat yourself to a set of Wrenchware, the only flatware that will fit in with your workbench dcor. Drop-forged from stainless steel and then polished, Wrenchware is dishwasher-safe and could probably survive a lap through your parts cleaner, too.

Warning: Not available at a Crate & Barrel near you.
Bonus: The box-end fork can be used to tighten the chain adjusters on your GSX-R.
Price: $24

Scare Tactics
Congratulations, there, Squidward, you finally traded your neon-framed Oakley Blades for a genuine full-face lid. Just one problem: Now that your face is obscured, you can't scowl and scare the minivan-driving soccer moms in the lane next to you as easily as before. Thanks to TRS VizorSkinz, though, you can let your helmet do the scaring for you-and obscure your vision at the same time.

Warning: Aw, screw it-unimpeded forward vision is way overrated anyways.
Bonus: Custom skinz can be made from photos, so you can have an image of your face scaled up to match the size of your ego.
Price: $29.99

Oil's Well That Ends Well
Listen up, wannabe Rockers and Ton-Up Boys: Is your brand-new Bonneville or Sport Classic not authentic enough? Do you find it lacking character-quirky little traits such as the constant and incurable oil leaks that endear so many to the joys of vintage-bike ownership? Don't replace your modern, double-lipped rubber engine seals with old-school felt pieces when you can more easily account for this engineering oversight with a fake oil puddle. Toss one of these babies under your bike at the Sunday-morning breakfast spot and it's 1968 all over again.

Warning: Don't forget the pomade, since these drippings won't hold your retro-hipster pompadour in place.
Bonus: Works equally well with any late-model Harley-Davidson.
Price: $5

He's Got Big Ballz
Is the Hayabusa with the fat-tire kit just not doing it for you? Do random lot hotties at the local Tastee-Freez still fail to recognize your undeniable virility, even after you bounce it off the rev-limiter a few times? Step up your game, then, and strap a set of Biker Ballz to the back of your crotch rocket. Because nothing says "I'm a badass biker" quite like a 4x2x2-inch prosthetic nutsack (in chrome, brass, fleshtone, camo and other colors) hanging from your tail-section.

Warning: Not recommended for use in The Castro, Boystown or other well-known gayborhoods.
Bonus: Your wife will love a set in red and green to hang from the Christmas tree.
Price: $11 (colors), $25 (chrome)