Cranked - James Stewart's New Reality Show Bubbas World - Bubba Hubbub

Most of my time here at_ Motorcyclist_'s Key West desk is spent gambling on bolita and drinking those tiny paper cups of supercharged espresso called buccis. It's a cush gig, but even Adam got bored with Eden. So when Editor Catterson asked if I wanted to ride up to Jacksonville for the premiere of Bubba's World, AMA Supercross Champion James "Bubba" Stewart's new reality-TV show, I leapt at the excuse to escape paradise.

Three Kawasaki ZRX1100 tankfuls of gas later, I arrive at the Dive Bar on Bay Street. It's a long way to go for a TV show, but let's put it in perspective: Would you ride a thousand miles to hobnob with Roger freakin' DeCoster? James Stewart is that good.

Besides, I like TV. I'm not one of those holier-than-thou, television-is-a-vast-wasteland loonies. Just the opposite: I can watch until my eyeballs pop out of their sockets, the dripping orbs bouncing about on coil springs like those novelty eyeglasses in the back of Archie comic books.

Turns out I'm not on the guest list. The doorman at The Dive has never heard of Motorcyclist magazine or me. A steady stream of show-winning twentysomethings file past into the bar while I fumble around 3G cueing up E-mails from Red Bull to prove I'm not just a creepy old guy-I'm a creepy old guy with an invitation. I step inside The Dive and the pounding music takes my breath away.

Endless video loops play on the walls: Bubba jumping into the stratosphere, Bubba exploding a berm, Bubba at age zero smoking the field on his minibike. Bubba himself shows up surrounded by cameras and talking heads. He grabs a microphone to thank everyone for attending his premiere, and then the show starts.

Every story needs dramatic conflict and Bubba's is one we have all had to deal with: After becoming a fabulously successful motocross superstar, he wants to party, chase women and, like Woody Allen before him, become a serious actor. Having seen Allen's later work, Stewart's father wants Bubba to focus on motocross racing while he is on top. I want to scream at the screen, "Listen to your dad!" Opposite the bar, scenes of lawn mowing and track maintenance segue into clips of Segways crashing.

On the show, Bubba's younger brother Malcolm is made to look like an underachiever. But after Stewart's 2008 season, when he won every single AMA outdoor motocross, a perfect 24 for 24 motos, who wouldn't? The only acceptable answer is Ricky Carmichael, who did it twice. On the wall, I see family members typing on computers; now video game playing; now home-movie shots of the family's compound. The worst problem in Bubba's World is a broken tail light on Mr. Stewart's four-wheel-drive Mule. Close-up on Mr. and Mrs. Stewart: They bicker but get along great. Really, this whole family is so nice, I feel guilty intruding on their privacy.

A sweaty photographer is handing out Red Bull in the bar. The kids instantly vogue, holding the cans next to their faces with one hand while shaking a contorted, steal-fifth-base sign at the lens with the other. The only gangsta sign I know is the Queen Elizabeth Wave.

Bubba's World runs its course and the assembled crowd applauds. I get the feeling that the branding of James Stewart as Tiger Woods without that pesky marriage contract has begun in earnest. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Carmichael is the "GOAT," but he never took on reality TV. Stewart won't unseat the Greatest Of All Time in motocross, but if he can survive his celebrity cycle without crashing a Cadillac Escalade, becoming a sex addict or ending up in prison on trumped-up gun charges, he could become the Greatest Of Prime Time.

You're probably wondering if James Stewart's reality-TV show was worth the long ride from Key West to Jacksonville. Honestly, no one is going to mistake Bubba's World for a Ken Burns special, but then, nobody watches Ken Burns specials. Besides, I don't need much of an excuse to ride.

Cranked - Bubba Hubbub