Rabbit Hash, KY, Dec. 24 —
Lusting after a new Testastretta Superbike but paralyzed with worry over that first scratch? The new Ducati Certified Tossed (DCT) program lets you take home a sweet, sweet ride without the baggage of factory-fresh perfection. The shattered plastic is sure to give you instant chest-thumping street-cred all the way from the Rock Store to the Tail of the Dragon, and everywhere in between.
How does the program work? Ducati simply buys back binned machines from bloodied first owners and re-markets them at rock-bottom prices to eager new customers looking to join the Ducati fold. They don’t even hose them off. Genius!
To be eligible for resale under the program, candidate machines must be crashed before lunch on the original owner’s first track day. This stringent requirement ensures that each Certified Tossed machine is nearly new and carries a full warranty (on those components that have not been ground-off or crushed). Since every crash is different, each DCT machine is unique, like stone-washed jeans. Only much more expensive, of course, and not quite as bendy as denim, which is typically used for pants, not sportbikes. You get the idea.
Other companies have caught wind of the DCT program’s success, and are swiftly rolling out similar efforts to bring battered units to market. Just this afternoon, Motorcyclist’s own Ari Henning was seconds away from placing a bid on a “short-wheelbase” V-Max at www.starmotorcyclescertifiedrunintoawall.com, but then the Source Interlink Media afternoon nap claxon went off and he was forced to abandon the effort. So close, yet so sleepy!