Brad Armstrong's Speed DVD | MC AV

MC AV

By Joe Neric, Photography by Joe Neric

Not another movie about fast bikes and fast women—like that’s never been done before! So what is director Brad Armstrong’s angle? What’s so special about Speed? Whoa, hang on a sec—that’s different! Oh my goodness, she’s flexible. The Biker Boyz never did that!

Armstrong’s erotic drama tells a fictional, sordid tale of life on the L.A. urban bike-club scene. Obviously, the 2009 Adult Video News Director of the Year isn’t a bike guy. An Interceptor beats a ’Busa in a drag race? Sure it does. And when the most lean angle a bike gets is on its sidestand, this clearly isn’t a movie about riding motorcycles. Maybe he should have referenced Torque a few more times? At least the acting was enlightening: I never knew Jessica Drake had her wisdom teeth removed!

Speaking of “acting,” I was blown away by Kirsten Price, who plays a sassy, foul-mouthed bike-shop owner forced to serve as a police informant to save her dying father, who’s serving a life sentence. I was particularly impressed by her ability to multi-task, balancing on a bike while “servicing” a customer. I bet she trains with a shake weight...

But let’s revisit the biggest problem with this movie: The motorcycle riding is boring. Sure, that stand-up wheelie was bitchin’. And that rolling burnout looked ballsy. But when Kaylanni Lei is the only one getting some knee-down action, it’s tough to call Speed a motorcycle movie. Someone get that poor girl some knee pucks, stat!

Speed DVD
Price: $39.95
Contact: Wicked Pictures
www.wickedpictures.com
Verdict:Three out of five stars

To paraphrase Lance Armstrong, “it’s not about the bikes.”

By Joe Neric
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